Hiring household staff begins with a clear understanding of the work. Before reviewing résumés or scheduling interviews, define the responsibilities, working conditions, authority, and experience the position requires.
Deb’s Domestic Agency conducts household staffing searches nationwide for private principals, families, estates, family offices, and households with one or multiple residences. DDA also works with Household Managers and Estate Managers who are hiring additional staff for their principals.
Depending on the need, a search may involve an Estate Manager, Director of Residences, Household Manager, Executive or Private Housekeeper, Executive/Personal Assistant, Family Assistant, Private Chef, Professional Nanny, Newborn Nanny, Private Caregiver, Domestic Couple, or another experienced private-service professional.
A thoughtful hiring process usually follows this sequence:
- Define the household’s actual needs.
- Match those needs to the right role.
- Establish realistic compensation and benefits.
- Build a focused search.
- Evaluate and interview qualified candidates.
- Complete permission-based references and appropriate screening.
- Use a working trial of up to five days when appropriate.
- Confirm the final offer, official start, and onboarding plan.
Start With the Household’s Actual Needs
Private-household titles are useful shorthand, not rigid silos. A Household Manager in one residence may be a hands-on administrator; in another, the same title may include staff leadership, vendor management, events, travel, and substantial financial responsibility.
Before choosing a title, define:
- the daily, weekly, and seasonal responsibilities;
- whether the role supports one residence, an estate, or several properties;
- the regular schedule, expected flexibility, weekends, and coverage needs;
- domestic or international travel;
- live-in or live-out requirements and any housing provided;
- staff supervision, vendor oversight, budgets, projects, or property authority;
- childcare, family-assistance, eldercare, or other caregiving responsibilities;
- the number and roles of existing household or family-office staff;
- reporting relationships and who sets priorities;
- the balance between hands-on work, administration, and management;
- compensation, benefits, paid time off, and relocation considerations; and
- desired start timing and any transition with a current employee.
This exercise often shows that the title first requested does not describe the role the household needs. DDA defines the position around its actual responsibilities, authority, compensation, and required experience. The title should then attract candidates whose backgrounds and preferred work genuinely fit that scope.
A candidate may be capable of many responsibilities without wanting each one to define the next role. Long-term placement is more likely when the position emphasizes work the candidate does well and wants to continue. Accurate role definition serves both sides and can reveal when one position contains more work than one employee can reasonably perform.
Define the Correct Role
Adjacent household roles overlap, and no title has one universally fixed list of duties. DDA uses scope, authority, primary responsibility, compensation, and candidate strengths to define the position. The comparisons below are practical guides, not inflexible rules.
Estate Manager or Household Manager?
A Household Manager generally leads day-to-day household operations. Depending on the position, the role may include staff and vendor coordination, household administration, service standards, projects, budgets, and Personal Assistant-type support.
An Estate Manager often carries broader operational authority, senior reporting responsibility, and financial or project oversight within a more complex household structure. The work may include leading managers, staff, and vendors; overseeing budgets and major projects; coordinating property systems, maintenance, and security; and communicating with principals or a family office.
The practical distinction is usually the breadth and complexity of responsibility, decision-making authority, leadership, financial and project accountability, and reporting level—not the number of residences alone. Titles still overlap, so DDA’s Estate Manager and Household Manager guidance provides a fuller comparison rather than a universal rule.
Executive Housekeeper or Private Housekeeper?
A Private Housekeeper is a hands-on professional responsible for the residence, laundry, organization, and household routines. An Executive Housekeeper may combine advanced hands-on work with formal standards, specialty surfaces and garments, inventories, procedures, team leadership, or a more complex property.
The distinction should reflect technical responsibility, leadership, and the household’s standards. DDA’s Executive Housekeeper guidance explains the role in more detail.
Personal Assistant, Household Manager, or Family Assistant?
A Personal Assistant primarily supports the principals through calendars, travel, correspondence, errands, projects, and coordination with advisers or a family office, with little or no responsibility for managing the residence.
A Household Manager is responsible for the residence and household operations and is also generally expected to handle Personal Assistant-type responsibilities when needed. A Household Manager role may therefore include work that could also fall under a Personal Assistant position, but a Personal Assistant is not automatically a Household Manager.
A Family Assistant sits between traditional nanny work and broader Personal Assistant or Household Manager responsibilities. The role may combine childcare with family errands, meal support, driving for parents and children, scheduling, household coordination, and general family support.
For an experienced nanny seeking broader responsibility, a Family Assistant role can be a natural progression toward Personal Assistant and household-management work. DDA’s Family Assistant guidance provides more detail.
Professional Nanny or Family Assistant?
A Professional Nanny has childcare as the primary responsibility. The work centers on children’s care, routines, safety, development, activities, and child-related organization. A Family Assistant may provide childcare but also supports the parents and family through Personal Assistant-type and household-support responsibilities.
If the primary need is childcare, a nanny title keeps expectations clear. If the household needs childcare plus significant family support, a Family Assistant may be the better definition. The balance depends on the family’s actual needs rather than a fixed percentage of duties.
For long-term newborn-focused care, DDA places experienced Newborn Nannies, including candidates who may also have Newborn Care Specialist expertise.
One employee or a Domestic Couple?
A Domestic Couple may be appropriate when two experienced professionals can divide a clearly defined body of complementary work. A couple is not a substitute for every specialist a complex estate needs, and “two people who do everything” is not a workable position description.
Compare the required skills, schedule, housing, days off, coverage, and reporting structure with the option of hiring two separate employees. DDA’s Domestic Couple guidance can help frame that decision.
Other searches may call for a Private Chef, Private Caregiver, Director of Residences, or another specialist. In each case, define the work and authority before choosing the title.
Establish Realistic Compensation and Benefits
Compensation should reflect the actual position. Important factors include:
- duties and breadth of responsibility;
- required experience and expertise;
- location and market conditions;
- schedule and required flexibility;
- travel, overnights, weekends, or on-call expectations;
- staff, vendor, budget, or project responsibility;
- the number and complexity of residences;
- live-in housing or relocation; and
- the full benefits package.
A role that includes frequent travel, management authority, or responsibility across several residences should not be priced as a straightforward single-residence position. A larger title, however, does not justify compensation that the duties do not support.
DDA’s Salary Guidelines provide role-specific planning context while recognizing that compensation varies with the scope and circumstances of each position.
Benefits and working conditions matter alongside salary. Paid time off, health-benefit support, retirement contributions, schedule predictability, overtime practices, travel expectations, vehicle use, relocation, and housing can affect both candidate interest and long-term sustainability.
Strong private-service candidates evaluate the household as carefully as the household evaluates them. They consider the stability and longevity of existing staff, whether the role is realistic, whether the schedule and time off are sustainable, the frequency of on-call demands, and expectations for weekends and holidays. Long-tenured household staff can provide a positive signal of employment stability.
When a position is new and there is little staff history, clear duties, authority, schedules, coverage, and priorities matter even more. Combining too many unrelated responsibilities into one “unicorn” position can make the work unsustainable, even when compensation is high.
Competitive compensation remains essential, but Deborah has seen chronic overload and burnout cause well-paid private-service professionals to leave. Long-term placements require both a competitive package and realistic expectations, appropriate time off, and conditions in which a good employee can succeed.
Choose How DDA Will Support the Search
Once the role and compensation are taking shape, the client should understand DDA’s engagement structure. Depending on the search, DDA’s placement process may include intake, search planning, candidate evaluation, employment-history review, references, interview and screening coordination, offer support, and placement follow-through.
DDA’s Service Plans explain the available engagement approach, while the Placement Fees page provides current fee terms.
Build a Focused Search
A useful intake gives DDA enough information to represent the position accurately. It should address:
- why the household is hiring;
- locations and property complexity;
- primary and secondary duties;
- schedule, flexibility, travel, and start timing;
- required private-service or role-specific experience;
- existing staff and reporting relationships;
- compensation, benefits, housing, and relocation;
- privacy and information-sharing boundaries; and
- household routines, standards, or technical requirements that are essential to the work.
Intake is also the time to resolve contradictions, such as extensive travel with a rigid local schedule, senior judgment without decision authority, or several full-time functions combined into one role. Resolving these conflicts before outreach gives candidates an honest basis for deciding whether to proceed.
Search timing varies by role, market, schedule, compensation, and household complexity. Starting early allows time for definition, interviews, due diligence, and an appropriate trial. DDA does not promise a fixed search length or placement date; the Client FAQ provides planning guidance.
Review a Focused, Curated Candidate Presentation
DDA provides a focused, highly curated presentation of candidates who genuinely align with the household rather than filling an arbitrary résumé quota. For most private-family searches, Deborah personally evaluates candidates beyond their credentials before a résumé reaches the client.
That evaluation may include professional experience, employment history, communication and interpersonal style, presentation, warmth, demeanor, references, how the candidate describes prior households and responsibilities, and the work the candidate does best and prefers. The aim is the strongest likely match for that household, not simply the strongest résumé.
Different households work well with different communication styles and personalities. DDA therefore considers how each candidate’s strengths and preferred way of working align with the household’s needs. One search may have a single exceptional candidate available at a given time; another may support a broader presentation. DDA does not add résumés merely to reach a number.
Larger family offices with established teams may prefer a broader, more résumé-driven slate because they conduct additional screening and evaluate team fit through their own processes. DDA accounts for that distinction without turning a private-family search into a high-volume exercise.
DDA treats candidate information with discretion and shares materials for an appropriate opportunity with the candidate’s permission.
Evaluate Candidates on Relevant Evidence
Personal rapport matters, but it should not replace qualifications. Evaluate the evidence that bears on the work:
- Relevant private-service experience: Has the candidate worked in residences, family offices, or service environments with comparable responsibilities?
- Longevity and transitions: What was each assignment intended to be, why did it end, and what did the candidate learn from the transition?
- Role-specific expertise: Can the candidate demonstrate the technical, operational, care, culinary, administrative, or management skills required?
- Communication: Can the candidate receive direction, ask useful questions, and report concerns appropriately?
- Discretion and judgment: Does the candidate understand privacy, professional boundaries, and when to escalate an issue?
- Adaptability: Can the candidate respond to changing schedules and priorities without losing organization or standards?
- Alignment with the defined role: Do the candidate’s schedule, travel ability, preferred authority level, and professional goals fit the actual position?
Long tenure with a private family may reflect loyalty, adaptability, mutual satisfaction, and a successful working relationship. Several shorter positions are not automatically negative; private-service work includes seasonal, temporary, and intentionally limited assignments, as well as households with frequent staff changes.
DDA looks beyond the dates. Interviews explore what each assignment was intended to be, why it ended, and what the candidate learned, without assuming one party was responsible for every transition. Tenure matters, but it must be understood in context.
Use the same core criteria for each finalist so rapport does not outweigh the job requirements.
Conduct Practical, Job-Related Interviews
Strong interviews are specific to the position. Ask candidates how they have handled situations comparable to the household’s needs.
Useful topics include:
- how the candidate organizes a normal day and reprioritizes when plans change;
- handling confidential information and private-household boundaries;
- communication with principals, children, staff, vendors, or a family office;
- the stated schedule and travel expectations;
- receiving feedback and learning household preferences;
- relevant properties, materials, systems, cuisines, age groups, care needs, or management responsibilities;
- taking initiative without exceeding authority;
- reporting and decision-making expectations; and
- what the candidate needs from the household to perform well.
Use realistic scenarios. For a management role: “A vendor reports an urgent property problem while the principal’s schedule changes and another employee needs direction. How would you set priorities and communicate?” Scenarios should reflect the job, not unrelated hypotheticals.
Keep questions job-related and consistent. Do not ask about protected characteristics or use them as a proxy for availability or suitability. Clients should obtain qualified employment counsel when needed.
Use DDA’s Permission-Based Reference Process
Professional, job-related references are important to DDA’s evaluation. DDA never contacts them without the candidate’s permission or makes indiscriminate calls early in the application process.
Direct reference checking occurs when the candidate and client are seriously moving forward. At that stage, useful questions concern the candidate’s responsibilities, length of service, reliability, communication, discretion, and other matters relevant to the proposed role.
Acceptable recommendation letters or other reference documentation already held by DDA may affect whether additional calls are necessary. DDA considers what is documented and what the search still requires.
The purpose is to understand employment history without seeking private household information.
Treat Background Screening as One Part of Due Diligence
For candidates who advance appropriately, background screening may form one part of DDA’s placement due diligence. Search-specific details are discussed privately with the client and candidate.
Screening complements interviews, professional references, any working-trial evaluation that is used, and the client’s own hiring judgment. It does not predict every future action or eliminate all risk.
Clients may ask DDA what screening applies before making a final hiring decision.
Consider a Working Trial When Appropriate
DDA allows a working trial of up to five days, when appropriate. A trial is not mandatory for every placement. Interviews and the overall evaluation may sometimes give the client and candidate enough information to make a decision without one.
When useful, a trial lets both sides evaluate the working arrangement before a placement decision. The “up to five days” standard keeps that evaluation focused.
For purposes of DDA’s placement process, the sequence is:
- DDA and the client complete candidate evaluation and interviews.
- When appropriate, the candidate participates in a working trial of up to five days.
- The client and candidate decide whether they want to proceed.
- If the client hires the candidate, the candidate becomes a DDA placement.
- DDA’s placement fee is then due according to the current Terms & Conditions.
The placement fee is not triggered merely because the candidate participates in the working trial.
For a candidate employed full-time, a useful trial may need to occur around existing availability, such as evenings, weekends, or days off. The schedule should be realistic without jeopardizing the candidate’s current position.
Before a trial, the parties should address schedule, duties, supervision, confidentiality, compensation, expenses, and decision timing. DDA’s process does not determine legal employment classification or provide legal advice about trial work. Clients should use qualified professionals when needed.
After roughly 20 years in household staffing, Deborah has found that most clients and candidates develop a strong sense within the first few days about whether the relationship has realistic long-term potential. That is experienced judgment, not a guarantee. A trial should resemble the role without testing every possible responsibility. Both sides should know who provides direction, what they are evaluating, and when they will discuss feedback.
What to Evaluate When a Working Trial Is Used
When used, a working trial can reveal information that a résumé and interview cannot. The most useful observations concern the normal work and the operating relationship.
Quality and judgment
- Is the work accurate and appropriate to the standards explained?
- Does the candidate notice relevant details without inventing priorities?
- Does the candidate ask before taking an action that may be difficult to reverse?
Communication
- Are updates concise, timely, and directed to the correct person?
- Does the candidate listen, ask useful questions, and incorporate feedback?
- Is the household communicating its preferences clearly?
Initiative and boundaries
- Does the candidate handle routine matters within the authority provided?
- Does the candidate know when approval is needed?
- Are suggestions offered constructively?
Organization and workflow
- Can the candidate sequence priorities within the actual schedule?
- Are systems and handoffs understandable?
- Does the proposed scope fit the available hours and resources?
Discretion and teamwork
- Does the candidate handle private information, property access, and staff matters appropriately?
- Does the candidate understand the reporting structure?
- Can the person collaborate without bypassing managers or creating unnecessary friction?
Two-way sustainability
- Can the household provide the priorities, authority, tools, and communication the role requires?
- Can the candidate meet the travel, flexibility, physical, technical, or management expectations?
- Do both sides want to continue under the terms being discussed?
A short scorecard tied to the job description can help. Review observations while they are fresh, and do not penalize a candidate for failing to know preferences that were never explained.
Confirm the Final Offer and Official Start
After interviews and any working trial, determine whether both parties want to proceed. If they do, confirm the final terms before the official start:
- title and primary responsibilities;
- compensation and pay schedule;
- benefits and paid time off;
- regular hours, flexibility, overtime, on-call coverage, and travel;
- official start date;
- live-in housing or relocation, if applicable;
- reporting relationships and decision authority;
- confidentiality and property procedures;
- expense reimbursement, vehicle use, and other role-specific terms; and
- required employment and payroll arrangements.
DDA supports placement but is not the household’s employment attorney, tax adviser, or payroll provider. Clients should use qualified professionals for applicable employment, payroll, tax, insurance, and agreement requirements.
If the client hires the candidate, DDA’s placement fee is due in accordance with the current Terms & Conditions, which control the contractual details.
Onboard for Clarity and Retention
First, give the new employee time to learn the role and household. Private residences have individual routines, communication styles, schedules, standards, preferences, property procedures, and family dynamics. Even an excellent professional needs time to understand how a particular household operates.
Do not judge a placement too quickly because the employee needs clarification or has not memorized every preference. Early questions, thoughtful feedback, and reasonable learning time support a sound transition.
Provide:
- written responsibilities, schedule, benefits, and reporting lines;
- household preferences, property procedures, security practices, and confidentiality expectations;
- clear authority for vendors, spending, staff direction, calendar access, or family-office communication;
- the tools, access, contacts, and training required;
- an agreed rhythm for updates and urgent issues;
- early priorities; and
- scheduled check-ins to address misunderstandings promptly.
Second, establish payroll and agreed benefits properly from the beginning and keep them consistent with the offer. DDA is not the client’s employment attorney, tax adviser, or payroll provider; clients should use qualified professionals where appropriate.
Standards, routines, and communication preferences should be explained rather than assumed. DDA’s long-term placement guidance provides additional retention context.
Common Household Staffing Mistakes
- Hiring the title instead of the work. A mismatched title attracts the wrong candidates and creates unclear expectations.
- Underestimating the scope. One position cannot absorb several full-time functions merely because every duty occurs in the same household.
- Setting compensation too early. The package should follow the responsibilities, schedule, market, experience, travel, residence complexity, housing, and benefits.
- Leaving the schedule vague. “Flexible” should not replace normal hours, expected exceptions, travel, weekends, and coverage plans.
- Combining unrelated duties without priorities. Blended roles work only when the functions are compatible and the time allocation is realistic.
- Failing to define reporting relationships. The employee needs to know who sets priorities and what to do when instructions conflict.
- Rushing interviews. Rapport does not replace job-specific questions and consistent evaluation.
- Treating references or screening as a formality. Due diligence should be relevant, permission-based, and considered with the rest of the process.
- Using a trial without an evaluation plan. Both sides should know the duties, terms, decision criteria, and feedback process in advance.
- Judging a new placement too quickly. Even an experienced professional needs time to learn a household’s routines, preferences, and procedures.
When the Household Needs More Than One Employee
Larger estates, multi-residence households, and family offices often need a deliberate staffing structure rather than one unusually broad job. Signs include:
- several residences or frequent transitions between properties;
- daily operational work plus senior management and project responsibility;
- coverage needs that exceed one sustainable schedule;
- several specialties, such as childcare, culinary service, housekeeping, property care, and private-office support;
- a growing team without a clear manager; or
- recurring conflicts because one role serves too many principals or functions.
Separate leadership, hands-on service, care, administration, property operations, and coverage. Then decide who reports to whom and where decisions belong. Some households may be well served by a Domestic Couple; others need a manager plus separate specialists.
A future staffing-structure guide can address organizational models in detail. For the immediate hiring decision, define the necessary functions, coverage, authority, and reporting lines.
Begin a Household Staff Search
If the role is reasonably clear, the Household Staff Request Form is DDA’s current path for sharing the household’s structure, priorities, and operating needs.
If the title or scope is uncertain, contact Deb’s Domestic Agency before beginning the search. A precise role, realistic package, careful evaluation, an appropriate trial when useful, and clear onboarding give both parties a sound basis for deciding whether to work together.